Friday, December 24, 2010

to orgasm or not to orgasm, that is the question.

it has officially been one week since my last orgasm and since i last saw Master. He has been able to call me some while He has been gone, which i am very thankful for. just hearing His voice is enough to get my pussy all wet and horny.

Master has started giving me a daily schedule to follow, times to edge and with which toys, things to do online (such as this blog i am writing) sites to join, etc. i am really enjoying having set things to do. it is helping to not only discipline me to Master, it is also helping the days go by fairly fast.

Master has me working on my edging so much that i have to be very careful not to get to the point of edge faster than i am allowed and i am also reaching the oh-so-very-close point faster than before. i know when i am allowed to orgasm it is going to happen very fast and be probably the most intense orgasm of my life.

i have been begging Master to allow me an orgasm, i want it so much. He continues to deny me one, which i graciously accept. however, He told me last night that i may be allowed one today. He is considering it because He gave me a very difficult decision to make, and  i made it without asking Him what He wants me to do, what would make Him happy. here is the background of this decision.......

there has been this guy, who i shall refer to as max, in and out of my life for the past 5 years. max is an ex-boyfriend but i also considered him a good friend. during these past 5 years max has been my fuck buddy. him and i touched into the role-play aspect of bdsm but when i would ask him to really hurt me, truly take control over me, he could not/would not do it. max recently moved away with his fiance but is in town for the holidays. i had not really talked much with him since he left. when he got into town he sent me a text saying he wanted to see me, basically telling me he wanted to fuck. i replied asking him how long he was in town for. he did not reply for a few days. i told max about Master and the new life i have found. he kept replying with "fucking hot" to the things i told him Master has me do. he also stated that he knew i was a masochist but was just waiting for it to come out more. my response was something to the effect of "it took a true Master to bring it out, which you were not". Master told me i was allowed to see max and fuck him, but i was not allowed to get his cum on my face or in my mouth, have anal sex with him, and the orgasm was up to me. after having long discussions with Master, Him telling me things not as my Master but as a friend and Lover, i came to the decision that if i were to see max i did not want him to enjoy the intense orgasm i was sure to have. max does not deserve it, nor does he deserve me in any way shape or form. he has a tendency to make plans with me, and then not show up without telling me before hand. i would just sit waiting for him. the only person i wait for is my Master. max and i decided on a time last night when we were going to see each other. i had not come to the decision if i was going to be physical with him or not. i was still going back and forth on if i wanted to see max or not. i came to my decision. i sent him a text message telling him something came up and i would not be able to see him. i then sent Master an email telling Him what i had decided. He called me a few minutes later and told me how proud He is of me for coming to that decision. and not just as my Master, but has my friend and Lover.

Master then granted me an orgasm, to happen christmas eve before bed, for coming to this smart decision as well as a reward for my good behavior this week. silly me, having to tell Master everything (my telling Him everything is more than just because He is my Master, i tell Him everything because there is more to Us then His dominance of me). i thanked Master profusely for granting me an orgasm, but followed that statement by telling Him that as much as i want an orgasm oh so bad, part of me wants to wait to have an orgasm until He is with me next week. i want this because i know it is going to be very intense and i would like for Him to be with me when it happens. Master said He will think about it and let me know some point today. until then i am still to work my pussy into a frenzy, which His schedule is doing a fabulous job of doing.

i am going to end this post with a copy of the schedule Master has me doing today:
-After u wake up and eat breakfast, etc. U can take smoke and potty breaks except during edge sessions. -When on break, that time doesn't apply towards required time
-Put porn on the tv for the entire time for background sounds
-Do a 30 min slow edge session with monster
-Take a bath and relax for a bit
-Another 30 min slow session
-Put a dildo in u (u can play with it) and Spend an hour doing:
  1. Write a blog post about how the past week has been ur longest without orgasm and that I might let u orgasm today and why u earned it
  2. find dildos online larger than monster that u would like to be fucked with and send me links
  3. Spend time on fetlife finding local people, reading groups, etc...
-30 min session edging as often as u can
-another hour:
  1. Join and post that u are looking only for other female submissives for friendship. Look around that site for any subs that interest u
  2. Look for bdsm events over a weekend that we might be able to get away to.
-Another 30 min slow session with anal

This should be enough to take u to needing to get ready for ur parents house. Wear the remote vibe
Have fun! I will let u know later today if u get to orgasm.

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