South Plains Leather Fest and life updates

my apologies for not writing. i recently moved and things have been very chaotic. thank God they are starting to settle down.

a few weeks ago Sir and i went to our first event, South Plains Leather Fest. i was scared out of my mind about attending but ended up having an amazing time. i learned so much about myself and met some really nice people who helped Sir and i ease into the play party and they were just there to help us out. we have connected through fetlife and i hope to stay in touch with them. we found new toys, one being a viper which sends me into subspace very easily. i also played publicly for the first time ever. we attended the play party both friday and saturday nights. friday night we just observed, saturday we played. i was extremely nervous but got over it and had a great time. when sunday came and it was time to leave i was very sad. it was great spending the entire weekend with Him.

i was scared of what would happen once we got back to where we live. i did where things would go, it was back to the unknown. Sir is doing much better with His personal issues and we are starting to settle down into a routine. a few nights ago when i was at His place He tied me to the bedpost and really let me have it. my ass is covered in deep purple bruises and i love it.

tonight we are going to a GWNN meeting, i am nervous about that and honestly not too sure if i want to go. it was one thing going out of town where the chances of me seeing someone i know slim to none. here where i live...that's a different story. we shall see what happens....

apologize

i apologize for not posting in awhile. not much has really gone on. i've spent some time with Him, but everything is pretty much at a stand still with us. it sucks, and i hate it but it is what it is. He actually really pissed me off and hurt me last night, but of course i haven't been able to talk to Him about it and honestly, i do not feel as if i will get a chance to ever talk to Him about it....

update

hello all. i am sorry i have not written in awhile. things have pretty much been the same, just taking everything a day at a time. Master has kept His promise to me and we have had communication every day. His promise was not every day, but just to have communication. yesterday we were able to spend a little bit of time together, maybe about 30 minutes, but it was a great 30 minutes. we spent most of the time cuddling on the couch, but He did give me several orgasms with His hand. i did not ask for them nor did i hint to Him that i wanted Him to touch me. He just knew that i wanted it as so did He.

things are on the path to where we can spend more time together. i know over the next several weeks, if not months,  Master is going to need more time to himself than with me. i totally get that and understand it, but i really look forward to spending more time with Him.

patience, katya, patience.

a new day

after i posted last night Master called and asked me to meet Him and the place He is renting. i went. we talked and held each other. He was questioning the divorce because He is scared for His children. which i completely totally 100% understand. His children are the single most important thing, as they should be. the divorce is not for me, nor is it because of me. they were on the road to this long before i came into the picture. what He is asking of me during this process is to be low maintenance and not to give Him any added stress. He does not know when we will be together again, outside of where our public lives intersect. it is going to be a long hard road for both of us. He has promised me communication. maybe not every day, but most days He said. be it an email, text, or phone call, even a short one to say hi and that He is thinking about me. i stayed the night with Him last night and i am very glad that i did. leaving this morning was difficult but i had to go to work. i am going to hold the memories i have and use them to get through the days and nights when we do not talk and when i am in bed alone. i know now that there will be more times when we will get to be together. i am sure of that.

good bye for now

it kills me to write this. i am a wreck right now, i feel as if i cannot breath. Master just left my place and has told me we have to put us on hold until He figures out stuff with His marriage; if He wants to go through with the divorce or not. it may not be a final goodbye, but it feels like it to me. i have only been His for a short time, but He has taught me so much about myself and has shown me more affection and cared more than anyone ever has before, including my ex-fiance. it's going to kill me not to talk to Him like we usually did while things are being figured out. He is telling me this may not be the end, but i am preparing myself for the worse. it is how i protect myself. i told Him i am praying that one day i will be His again, He said time will only tell. i hate time. in my past when i've been told that it has meant that time will not work in my favor.

i do not know if i can get through this.......

"I'm coming over in a few minutes, be ready"

when Master sent me those words via instant messaging i thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. excitement mixed with fear that something was wrong. then i read the rest of what Master sent and saw that everything was fine. i had been feeling under the weather all day with a migraine but welcome any time i get with Him. i had already spent a little time with Master after work but more time is always better.

i did not greet Master on my knees and i do not know if this is something i am going to be Punished for. i need to ask Him this. Master allowed me to lay my head in His lap for awhile while we were on the couch watching a movie. Master then decided He wanted to spank me and told me to lay over His knee. i am not sure how long He spanked me for, all i know is it lasted awhile and was VERY relaxing for me and helped my migraine. okay, maybe the medicine had started to kick in and that's why the migraine started to calm down.  i tried to suck Master cock but with my head pounding i was not able to give it my all.

we went into the bedroom where Master had me get on the bed on my stomach and He attached my arms to the headrest. Master used various tools to hit my legs, ass, back, and shoulders. i honestly do not know which tools He was using, besides the paddle. that one i know for sure.

i heard Him opening something, but i was not quite sure what it was. that is until i felt He rubbed it on my pussy and ass. at first i felt a warm tingling sensation all over then, as Master was playing with my cunt, working His fingers in and out of me, the feeling went from warm to burning. instantly i knew what Master had put on my cunt....tobasco sauce. i wish i could fully describe the feeling to you in so much detail that you feel it by my words. it is indescribable. it burned, was warm tingles....was pretty damn amazing. Master continued working my cunt with His hand, allowing me multiple orgasms and squirting. all of a sudden it was too much and i was screaming out our safeword. Master quickly undid my arms and got me into the bathtub.

after i felt okay enough to get out of the tub, Master lead me to the couch were He held me as i came down from the intensity. we discussed how we felt during the scene as well as what we were feeling at that moment. He also had me go look at the wetspot i left on the bed and told me He did not use any lube at all. i had to confess to Master that although it started to hurt like hell, i really enjoyed having tobasco sauce on my pussy. i told Him i'd like to do it again, "like now, Sir". His response was "go get it". i laid back on the couch and spread my legs for Master. this time He used a vibrator on me. i do not know why but the second time was more intense, Master says my clit was "jumping around, going in and coming out". i wish we would have had a video of that. i was allowed to orgasm and i wanted to so bad, but i couldn't. i knew when i was at the point where i needed my safeword but i did not say it. i tried to push myself farther. suddenly i was screaming it and attempting to run to the bathtub, though i could not move much because the burning.

this time it took the burning a lot longer to go away and i started freaking out a little. more so at myself for being stupid enough to not say the safeword when i knew i needed it. it took a long time for my body to adjust back to normal. i was shaking uncontrollably even while Master was holding me, rubbing my back and arms, telling me He was right there and i was safe. my head knew all that, my body was not listening though. i actually ended up falling asleep. unfortunately Master wasn't able to stay with me and i woke up when He got up to leave.

3) very important lessons were learned that night. 1) katya loves tobasco sauce 2) no more than one tobasco session a night, and 3) i MUST use the safeword the moment i feel i need to say it. no being stubborn or trying to be tough. say it.

the waiting game

i hate waiting. i am very impatient, one thing Master is breaking me of. i am use to getting a few emails a day and even instant messaging at night from Master. as of now i have not spoken to Him since my drive to work this morning and have not received any correspondence from Him since around 12:30pm. it sucks. there's a lot going on in His life right now that needs His attention more so than i. i completely 100% understand that but i still do not like that i haven't had even a little message from Him. i have no doubt that i have crossed His mind and He cares about me. what is troubling me is He is going through so much emotional pain right now and there is not a damn thing i can do about it. i told Him in our last email that i will not send Him an email first, i will wait for Him to. i did not realize how difficult this would be when i am so use to sending Him a random email that has a little joke in it or a picture i found that i think He would enjoy. i know He is not Punishing me by not having interaction, however i still found myself not doing things i am suppose to do, and for that i know i will be Punished.

i want to tell Him i finished the majority of my school work early, for i know He will be very proud of me for that. i want to tell Him i got the new battery for my car so i will not have problems with it tomorrow. i want to tell Him i wrote a new blog.

but most of all i want to tell Him i care for Him deeply, that i am His, and am here for Him however He needs.

here i am waiting......

waiting.......

waiting......