Thursday, December 30, 2010

quick note

hello whomever may be reading this! just wanted to give a quick update....i have edged myself 600 times in the past 14 days! Master and i reunite tomorrow after 14 days away from each other. less than 12 hours now and i am VERY excited.

Master has told me i am to not edge anymore, however i am to continue masturbating until He arrives. i am not allowed to go above an 8 on a 1-10 intensity scale. this is going to be very, very difficult....

i will write more either after Master leaves tomorrow, assuming that i will be able to move, or the next day. every one have a happy new year and be safe!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

few more days....

just a few more days until Master and i reunite after 2 weeks apart. the past 2 weeks has been a huge emotional roller coaster for me. right now i am anxious. i cannot wait for Master to walk through my door as i wait on my knees for Him with my fresh brazilian wax job. i had that done tonight for the first time ever, and i plan on going back every 4 weeks or so.

i do not know what i am looking forward to the most, if it is His Cock in my mouth, His hand inflicting pain that i love so much, the feel of Him in me, just knowing He is somewhat close even when He is not with me, or just being in His arms. if i had to chose i may say just being in His arms. one of Masters "terms of endearment" for me is His cocksucking cuddleslut cunt. which does sum me up very nicely.

i know after i get Master in our traditional way i will want to go straight to the couch or the bed and just be in His arms, kissing Him everywhere i can. the past few days i have felt very rebellious and angry but now, as the day gets closer i am feeling much more calm and at ease. i feel as if i may event cry a bit once i see Him. out of happiness, the release of all the emotions over the past weeks, and just feeling that everything has returned to "normal".

yea....i'm emotional like that. was before He came into my life and i will always be.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

control of every day life

Master and i have been discussing what things in my every day life i am willing to give up control over. He does not want me to be 100% dependent and having no decisions to make, but we both are wanting Him to have more control over my every day life. we have started out by having a schedule for me to follow when i get home from work. some days, like today, Master had me make the schedule and then submit it to Him for approval. today was not a good day, as i had car trouble while i was out running errands and had to wait to be picked up and get my car good to drive again. because of this i had to make changes to the schedule, which i've been tempted to rebel against anyways today. that is for another posting though.

Master wants me to make a list of things i have no problem giving control over, things i am not so okay with giving up, and things i refuse to give up control of. this has actually been a very hard assignment for me to do and i probably forgot some very important things.

no problem giving up:
1) underwear requirements
2) bed time when i have work the next day
3) work out time
4) budget
5) clothing i wear when not with Master
6) studying time
7) what to do when not at work (to some extent)
not so okay:
1) when i hang out with friends
2) how i spend my non-bills money
3) internet usage
4) make up
refuse to give up:
1) when i see my family
2) what/when i eat
3) what games i go to
4) when i'm allowed to talk on the phone

this is all i can think of for now. i know i am probably missing some key elements here.....

Friday, December 24, 2010

and the answer is......

no. no orgasm. Master has decided to prolong my agony until He returns. in a way it is what i asked for. i have done 325 edges since my last orgasm.....

just wanted to give a short update. i have some assignments to finish then am off to bed. i hope everyone has a merry Christmas!


to orgasm or not to orgasm, that is the question.

it has officially been one week since my last orgasm and since i last saw Master. He has been able to call me some while He has been gone, which i am very thankful for. just hearing His voice is enough to get my pussy all wet and horny.

Master has started giving me a daily schedule to follow, times to edge and with which toys, things to do online (such as this blog i am writing) sites to join, etc. i am really enjoying having set things to do. it is helping to not only discipline me to Master, it is also helping the days go by fairly fast.

Master has me working on my edging so much that i have to be very careful not to get to the point of edge faster than i am allowed and i am also reaching the oh-so-very-close point faster than before. i know when i am allowed to orgasm it is going to happen very fast and be probably the most intense orgasm of my life.

i have been begging Master to allow me an orgasm, i want it so much. He continues to deny me one, which i graciously accept. however, He told me last night that i may be allowed one today. He is considering it because He gave me a very difficult decision to make, and  i made it without asking Him what He wants me to do, what would make Him happy. here is the background of this decision.......

there has been this guy, who i shall refer to as max, in and out of my life for the past 5 years. max is an ex-boyfriend but i also considered him a good friend. during these past 5 years max has been my fuck buddy. him and i touched into the role-play aspect of bdsm but when i would ask him to really hurt me, truly take control over me, he could not/would not do it. max recently moved away with his fiance but is in town for the holidays. i had not really talked much with him since he left. when he got into town he sent me a text saying he wanted to see me, basically telling me he wanted to fuck. i replied asking him how long he was in town for. he did not reply for a few days. i told max about Master and the new life i have found. he kept replying with "fucking hot" to the things i told him Master has me do. he also stated that he knew i was a masochist but was just waiting for it to come out more. my response was something to the effect of "it took a true Master to bring it out, which you were not". Master told me i was allowed to see max and fuck him, but i was not allowed to get his cum on my face or in my mouth, have anal sex with him, and the orgasm was up to me. after having long discussions with Master, Him telling me things not as my Master but as a friend and Lover, i came to the decision that if i were to see max i did not want him to enjoy the intense orgasm i was sure to have. max does not deserve it, nor does he deserve me in any way shape or form. he has a tendency to make plans with me, and then not show up without telling me before hand. i would just sit waiting for him. the only person i wait for is my Master. max and i decided on a time last night when we were going to see each other. i had not come to the decision if i was going to be physical with him or not. i was still going back and forth on if i wanted to see max or not. i came to my decision. i sent him a text message telling him something came up and i would not be able to see him. i then sent Master an email telling Him what i had decided. He called me a few minutes later and told me how proud He is of me for coming to that decision. and not just as my Master, but has my friend and Lover.

Master then granted me an orgasm, to happen christmas eve before bed, for coming to this smart decision as well as a reward for my good behavior this week. silly me, having to tell Master everything (my telling Him everything is more than just because He is my Master, i tell Him everything because there is more to Us then His dominance of me). i thanked Master profusely for granting me an orgasm, but followed that statement by telling Him that as much as i want an orgasm oh so bad, part of me wants to wait to have an orgasm until He is with me next week. i want this because i know it is going to be very intense and i would like for Him to be with me when it happens. Master said He will think about it and let me know some point today. until then i am still to work my pussy into a frenzy, which His schedule is doing a fabulous job of doing.

i am going to end this post with a copy of the schedule Master has me doing today:
-After u wake up and eat breakfast, etc. U can take smoke and potty breaks except during edge sessions. -When on break, that time doesn't apply towards required time
-Put porn on the tv for the entire time for background sounds
-Do a 30 min slow edge session with monster
-Take a bath and relax for a bit
-Another 30 min slow session
-Put a dildo in u (u can play with it) and Spend an hour doing:
  1. Write a blog post about how the past week has been ur longest without orgasm and that I might let u orgasm today and why u earned it
  2. find dildos online larger than monster that u would like to be fucked with and send me links
  3. Spend time on fetlife finding local people, reading groups, etc...
-30 min session edging as often as u can
-another hour:
  1. Join and post that u are looking only for other female submissives for friendship. Look around that site for any subs that interest u
  2. Look for bdsm events over a weekend that we might be able to get away to.
-Another 30 min slow session with anal

This should be enough to take u to needing to get ready for ur parents house. Wear the remote vibe
Have fun! I will let u know later today if u get to orgasm.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

so you want an orgasm, slut?

first off i wanted to let you all know that i am okay. i have recovered from my subdrop and am 100% back to myself today. i was able to speak to Master for just a few minutes yesterday and it seems as if that is what i needed to bring me back. i also was able to speak with Him today and i am sure that helped as well.

Master has decided that i am to stay on orgasm denial while He is gone, which is until right before the new year. as of this moment that i am typing this i have edged myself 200 times since 12:20am Saturday. i am hating this and loving it at the same time. i believe this is the longest i have gone without an orgasm since i had my first orgasm. Master is teaching me there is more to pleasure than orgasms and He is doing a fabulous job of it.

Master and i were chatting on IM this evening and we started talking about how it is time for Him to push my soft limits. i mentioned that i love anal....the rare times that i am in the mood for it. i had mentioned it to Him before, but being a soft limit for me and our relationship still new He has not pushed it. we have decided that it is time. Master issued a challenge for me to try to earn an orgasm while He is gone. He said i am to take the normal width jelly dildo and put it in my ass, as much as possible but a minimum of 3inches to be considered eligible for an orgasm. it is a double dildo and Master said if i can get it in both my ass and my pussy it would be extra points.

i accepted the challenge and when we stopped chatting i pulled out the lube, covered the dildo with it and put a nice layer on my ass. i eased the dildo in and out, getting quite a bit in. a took pictures as Master requested. i started fucking myself faster and faster in the ass. i had my normal traditional vibrator next to me, so i grabbed it and started fucking my wet cunt with it. i edged myself, nearly orgasming, like that. i kept the dildo in my ass but took the vibrator, turned it on and began playing with my pussy. i turned it on high speed and put the vibrator right on my frustrated clit. i concentrated on my breathing, not wanting to get close to the edge too fast, trying to prolong my pleasure. i was able to bend the dildo so it was in my ass and cunt at the same time.

i really hope Master accepts my completion of His challenge.

Master and i had a great conversation, as per the norm, and our conversation brought up a lot of things Him and i need to discuss. things we want to try, things i am curious about, and why. Master wants me to write about these as well as post questions in various fetlife group forums. since i am not on winter break from school i will have free time to be able to write more, perhaps even daily :-)

Sunday, December 19, 2010


i have been very emotional the past few days and acting somewhat uncharacteristically for myself. it comes and goes in phases, but i have felt a constant dark cloud over me. after doing some reading on fetlife i wonder if i may be experiencing sub-drop. here is why i think i may be....

first, when Master left thursday night i bawled my eyes out for a good ten minutes, even after He gave me fabulous after-care. Master is ALWAYS very attentive to what i need after a scene and i know He did not do anything wrong with the after-care. on friday i did not hear from Master, even after i had sent Him a few emails. i was having eye pain and was letting Him know i was thinking of going to the doctor. i recently had lasik so am a bit paranoid about my eyes still. the next email was telling Him what time my appointment was for. i still had not gotten a response from Him after my appointment and i sent Him another message asking if everything was okay. i was having crazy thoughts go through my head. He replied a little later to all the emails, telling me everything was fine and not to worry or be insecure. He had been busy all day and had not been on the computer. again i DO NOT fault Master in any of this. He did absolutely NOTHING wrong. yesterday and today we have exchanged emails and have had some conversations on IM but have not, and probably will not, talk on the phone.

i find it a little funny because just a few hours ago i said it had not hit me that Master and i were going to have very limited contact the next few weeks. i think it did after my ruined orgasm. i have been crying about every little thing. i want to curl up in a ball and stay that way. last night i was in such a bad mood, after spending the evening at the rink with one of my best friends at that, that i drank 2 glasses of wine (very rare for me), and spent a long time in the bath. today i slept in until 11:00, which does not happen very often either. Master and i had talked about today being a "me" day, He commanded me to take care of myself. which i did by not leaving my place except to go to dinner with my family. i sat on my couch, read, and did a little school work.

i sent Master an email saying i think i may be experiencing this. being new to the lifestyle i am not sure if i am correct or not. i do not want to worry Him.

can anyone help me out on this? advice, anything.

ruined orgasm in public restroom

first of all i am not allowed orgasm today, even though it is sunday. as a challenge, Master took it away and i graciously accepted the challenge.....

that brings me to dinner. i went out to red lobster to eat. i had my tiny vibrator in my purse and my egg remote vibrator in my frustrated wet cunt. Master sent me a text message and told me when i was able to He wanted me to go into the bathroom and have an "agonizingly close edge". i listened and.......had a ruined orgasm. i was in the bathroom, turned on the egg and put the amazingly powerful tiny vibrator on my clit. it took maybe a minute before i felt the first amazing contraction. prior to this i was up to 137 edges since my last orgasm and am quite the horny slut at the moment. i immediately moved tiny away from my clit and turned off the egg. then i teared up a little from being so frustrated right now. i then went back to the table my family was sitting at with my pussy dripping wet and feeling out of breath.

i confessed to Master about the ruined orgasm and He told me to write this post and is still deciding on if i will be Disciplined or Punished.

unexpected visit

this post is not going to be filled with as many details as usual. i need to write it, but i also need to have some "me" time today as well as work on school work.  i hope Master is okay with this.

Master unexpectedly was able to come over thursday night. i was very happy to be able to see Him and please Him once more before His vacation.

it was very late by the time Master arrived and i was tired, yet very excited. He walked in and i gave Him the usual greeting of taking His Cock out of His pants and lavishing it with all of my attention. Master and i had discussed pushing my limits once more, since we both enjoyed it very much.

Master cuffed my ankles to the bed and immediately went to work since we did not have much time. we had a nice session, ending with me yelling out our safeword after several very hard blows with the cane. Master comforted me and let me cry in His arms for awhile.

after i was okay and ready for more play, Master teased my frustrated wet cunt, edging me many times until allowing me teeth-chattering, mind boggling rolling orgasms. Master rewarded me with His Cock in my pussy. it was beautiful.

Master had to leave, was unable to stay the night again. as soon as i closed the door when i left, i found myself against the door, crying. i have been okay the past few days with Him gone. i honestly don't think it has actually hit me that i will not see Master, nor probably hear His voice until January. right now it just seems like how it usually is, a few days in between our meetings. it'll probably hit me after a week....that will be an interesting post....

Saturday, December 18, 2010

make me say the word please Sir

i am sorry it has taken me a few days to write this blog, i have been very busy the past few days and Master is ok with me not posting until today. i will probably be posting 2 or 3 today....

Master stayed the night with me wednesday. we had been discussing finding out what it would take for me to use my safeword. we decided we would do this that night. when Master arrived i greeted Him by unzipping His pants and playing with His Cock. i had some school work to do and Master told me to finish it after we ate dinner and before we played. i did it as quickly and efficiently as possible.

finally it was play time. Master had me stand up and bend over the couch. he used the different floggers we have, the paddle, and also gave me the Disciplines i had earned for missing questions on quizzes with the dreaded paint stick. Master had gone to our favorite store before He came over and purchased a few new things. one being what i refer to as a whip, but it really is not one. i will have to ask Master what it is called. He used it, and the other toys, on my back, ass, thighs, and shoulders.

Master also purchased "over the door cuffs" which we tried out. Master secured my arms to them and my legs to the spreader bar. Master had me facing the door. with my newly pierced nipples we did not think working on my front would be a smart idea. Master continued to use the various hitting toys on my back. i was crying out but had an extremely wet pussy. Master also dripped candle wax onto my back and ass.

Master then had me go to the bed where he secured my legs as i laid on my stomach. i asked Him if we would leave my hands undone so i could adjust my huge tits so my new piercings would not be affected. Master allowed this. i do not remember which tools Master used and in what order. my head was swimming with the pain and pleasure of all Master was doing to me. i was in tears and asking Master to please hit me again and again. i could tell i was getting closer and closer to using my safeword. Master told me that was the only thing that would get Him to stop or let up. the restword would not be recognized that night. we were in complete understanding about this. Master was using the new whip-like toy when without thinking i screamed out the safeword and immediately began sobbing. Master immediately stopped, gathered me into His arms, kissed me all over. He kept telling me how proud He was (and is) and to let the tears out.

when i had calmed down some and was able to talk Master and i discussed what had happened. i told Him i loved every second (of probably close to 2 hours) of what we had done. i also told Him how much i hated using the safeword. i know it is for both of our protection, but i felt as if i had failed and disappointed Him. He assured and reassured me that this was not the case. this was the first time i have ever used my safeword and i really did not like having to use it.

Master allowed me to sooth myself by playing with His Cock, one of my favorite past times. i love the feel of Master's Cock in my throat, on my tongue, on my lips, and in my hands. i love how His Cock jumps with pleasure.

Master wanted to push me to my limit when it came to Him denying me orgasm as well. my memory is a bit blurry on these events as well, due to the fact that i was in 'the zone' as well as the time that has past since this night. i think i need to write my blogs that have to do when with Master immediately after they happen. Master lubed up the monster dildo and slowly put it inside of me and then started fucking me with it. my body responded without me even thinking about it, my hips rising to meet it. i wanted to cum so bad but Master told me no. Master was also using one of the vibrators on my clit, edging me very quickly and begging Him to cum. Master pulled the hood of my super sensitive clit back and placed the vibrator right on it, i instantly said to Master that i was at a 9 and going to cum, He commanded me to hold it back and not to cum. somehow i was able to hold back for a little until i was screaming that i was going to cum. Master did this several times until He allowed me to have an amazing orgasm....or a few amazing orgasms. He then continued to put the vibrator on my clit, over and over again. my clit was so sensitive it was right along the line of pain. i ended up having to use the safeword again. it was an amazing night filled with lots of pleasure. i apologize to Master for any details i may have missed.

i fell asleep in Masters arms, which is my favorite way to fall asleep. Master had to be up very early. when He left, i was in tears. Master is going on vacation, we will have limited contact and won't be back for about two weeks. i thought this night would be the last time i would see Master until after the new year, little did i know that wasn't true....that is another posting, however.

Monday, December 13, 2010

december masturbation program

here is the link to the december program Master has me on for masturbation, denial, and edging.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


another posting for today.....

i am very frustrated right now. earlier Master stated i would be able to orgasm after reaching 100 edges since 130am this morning. i am only 15 edges away from 100 when i get a text message from him that i am not allowed to reply to saying, "no orgasm tonight". i started sobbing when i read that, and continue to cry right now. i do not know why Master changed His mind. i know it is His Right to deny me an orgasm at any time but i worked so hard to please Him today. i feel as if i maybe did something wrong or displeased Master some how. the worst thing is i cannot even ask Him if He would explain to me why He changed His mind. i know He can choose to answer the question or not but at least i would have been able to try to find out.....


i have finished my homework and even turned in my outline for my paper a day early! i even did my 30 game edges, as well as my before dinner 30 minute masturbation session for Master. we have changed the rules for my game edges, which can be seen on my masturbation chart.

i have a few confessions to admit to that i will do here.....

first, Master has been telling me that i need to confide in someone other than Him about the relationship Him and i have. He believes that having someone else for me to talk to will be beneficial. i am very close to one of my best friends mothers. she is not only a friend of mine, but she is a mother-type. my own mother is in my life but her and i are as different as night and day. the only thing her and i can talk about and not argue or get bored with each other is hockey- strange i know. i shall refer to my friends mother from here on out as natalee. so i was over at their house last night and natalee and i were outside smoking. yes i know it is a nasty habit and Master hates it. He assures me He will not force me to give it up, but would like for me to. anyways, i asked natalee if i could have a serious conversation with her and asked she not judge me or tell anyone. she said of course. i began by telling Her about Master and the complex situation we are in. she said she cannot judge because she has been in a similar situation. i tell her there is more, that Master is my Dominant. i explained to her what that means and how much i love being His submissive slut. i tell her about how we have a safe and rest word (she was acting like a mom and concerned for my safety), Rules, and a Punishment system. it was very nice to get it out to someone outside of the relationship. i have a feeling natalee and i will be having many more conversations about Master.

the next confession i have is i am terrified. Master and i have talked about this some and He assures me it is not going to happen. Master is going away for a few weeks and i am terrified that when He gets back He will want to end our relationship and just go back to casual hellos when we see each other at the games. He says He promises this will not happen. i trust Master and i believe Him, this is my insecurity playing out. i will NOT let it affect the trust Master and i have for each other. He says He is not going to dump me when He gets back, and i believe him 100%. we are going to have very limited contact and that is going to be very hard. i am hoping Master will be able to email me at least a few times while He is gone, but if He is not able to i completely understand.

Master is also a bit worried i may get to attached to Him, and Him to me. i think in this type of relationship we are in it makes it difficult to not get attached. there is a great, powerful bond between Master and i and this is not something i am taking lightly. Master is also afraid i may be hurt (and not in the way i like). having my emotions hurt is a risk i took when i knowingly became involved with Master. we do not get much time together due to our situation. i wish to have more time with Him, but i also believe that because our time together is limited it makes it that much more better. i love the nights Master is able to stay with me. He makes me feel safe, beautiful, and slutty all at once. i have never experienced anything like this before. i am starting to crave Master's cane on my ass.......

turns out i am a masochist!

wow. what a wonderful past week. i'm going to attempt to recall in full detail, but i make no promises that will happen.

Master did some revising to my current masturbation/denial schedule. i am still only allowed orgasms on wednesdays and sundays, unless Master takes them away. the changes came to when i am to masturbate. Master decided that my 30 minutes of masturbation time after work is optional. of course i know He would love for me to complete that, but with my school work it has shown to be difficult and Master states my school work is more important than that session. i am going to do my best to masturbate for at least 15 minutes when i get home from work.

the week was very long and it seemed like an eternity before thursday night came around. when Master arrived at my place, i was on my knees waiting for Him. i had my training collar on, wrist and ankle cuffs chained together, as well as clover clamps on my nipples. Master walked in the door and seemed to take forever for Him to come over to me, where i unzipped His pants and started sucking, licking, and massaging His cock. Master asked if i wanted Him to take the clover camps which i responded with a yes please Master. Master only allowed me to play with His cock for a little bit. Master had brought me some things which we went over. He brought a big gym back on wheels to transport all of our toys and "equipment", some organizers to keep the toys in, a bluetooth headset for my phone, a new cane, some fish-weights, and new towels for my place. He also brought new water and food dispensers for my cat. after we went through the "goodies"  we looked online at different stores we wanted to check out when we were on our get-a-way.

i had several Disciplines and Punishments but Master said He wanted to wait for the next day to do those. i was perfectly fine with that. however, shortly into play time i earned a Punishment that Master immediately gave me, and i have a bruise on my ass for that. i had allowed Him to tie me completely to the bed before i told Him that i had to use the bathroom, and neither of us are into urine play. before He allowed me to go to the bathroom Master got the new cane and smacked it on my ass many times. He comforted me after, uncuffed me, and i slowly was able to make my way to the bathroom. Master would not let me orgasm, said He wanted to wait until we were at the hotel. Master had ordered a bunch of  things that arrived a few days prior. in there was a flogger, which i LOVED. the best thing was Master completely fisted me! oh my God, how i loved having Masters fist in me. it hurt, but damn it felt good!!

we got up the next morning and were on our way. for the drive Master had me put the remote egg vibrator in my pussy and He held on to the remote. we had about at hour and half drive, but made several stops along the way. while we were sitting at a restaurant having lunch, Master kept turning it on. i was not able to relax enough to be able to edge. we stopped at a few lingerie stores but had a blast, and purchased a gorgeous corset at one store. we finally made it to the hotel. Master had told me the first thing that was to happen when we got there was for me to make Him cum with my mouth and my hands. i took to that immediately and was rewarded with my tits covered with His cum. Master edged me several more times, but He continued to deny me an orgasm. He decided that i was to have reached 100 edges before i would be rewarded with orgasm. i keep track on my chart of how many edges i complete, and Master and i had purchased a door counter clicker so we could easily keep track of how many edges at been completed.

we showered together, i washed Him, He washed me. We then went to a very nice Italian restaurant for dinner. it was absolutely wonderful being able to walk around in public with Master holding His hand and even kissing. Master not only makes me feel good physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. i was wearing a somewhat simple outfit but walking next to Him i felt as if i was "supermodel hot". we had been debating about taking a boat ride on the river, going to a Players Club, going to a strip club, or just go back to the hotel. we decided on the hotel. when we arrived to our room, i stripped my clothes off. in the bag of goodies Master had an arm binder with a posture collar attached. He put it on me, put a pair of really tight heavy duty magnetic clips on my nipples, had me bend over a chair with my legs spread and walked out of the room and told me not to move. i am not sure how long He was gone for, but it felt like an eternity with gravity pulling the clips and my nipples. by the time Master came back i was already near tears and had our rest word on the tip of my tongue. He brought the crop with him and all it took was one smack on my left tit for me to scream out the rest word. Master took the clips off and caressed my nipples with His hands and tongue. He said that was one Punishment. the next few Punishments and Disciplines all roll together in my mind, as i am writing this a few days later since i did not have my computer with us. also the intensity of the Punishments was very high. i know 2 wackes of the cane were for missing questions on quizes. Master gave me a choice if i wanted the next hits to be with the cane or paint stick. i am TERRIFIED of the paint stick. i asked Master for the cane again. i counted every hit and said "thank You Master" after each. i cannot remember how many there were. i was in tears, first time i have openly cried more than just a few small tears after a Punishment. i have more bruises on my ass and on the way home i had to keep adjusting myself so i would not be sitting on the bruises. after the first few hits Master reached between my legs and felt my pussy. oh my God was i ever wet. i knew i liked some pain, but i had no idea that pain that intense would make me so horny and wet. this helped prove in my mind that this is the lifestyle for me. this is who i am. i am a masochist. i still have my limits on things i currently will not have done to me, but pain turns me on. pain gets my tight cunt soaking wet for my Master.

after my Punishments were through Master told me to go lay down on the bed, which i happily ran for and curled up into a ball where i continued to cry a bit. He came in, and gathered me in His arms and comforted me for awhile. after a bit He asked if i was ready to play more or if i still needed to be held. i asked if He wouldn't mind i still needed to be held. He turned on some porn and we laid together and watched that for a bit until i felt better and started playing with Master's Cock with my hands and my mouth.

i honestly cannot recall every single detail of the next few hours but i will do my best. Master continued to deny me an orgasm. we had not reached the magic number of 100 edges before my first orgasm. Master had my lie on my back and i automatically spread my legs wide for him like a good slut. Master used various vibrators on my pussy. the most intense was when Master pulled my clit hood back and put a vibrator right on it. i instantly was near orgasm and almost in tears from not being able to cum. my chin was quivering with anticipation and i could not control it. Master brought me up to 115 edges before He allowed me to have an orgasm. the extra 15 were edges from the hockey game that was being played that night. i was BEGGING Master to please let me cum. i could not stop begging Him. orgasming after being teased so nicely was INTENSE.  i had what i refer to as rolling orgasms. one right after the other not able to control it. i think Master really likes when that happens.

another new item in the bag of goodies was a hood, yet another new experience for me. Master took the ball gag out of it, put the hood on me and had my eyes and mouth covered. i was on my knees on the bed, not knowing what Master was going to do. i love the anticipation. next thing i know Master is wrapping rope tightly around me tits and hitting them with a flogger i believe. so sensitive. He has me get on on 4's and uses the floggers on my back, tits, thighs, and ass. i am loving every second of it and am craving Masters cock in my wet cunt.

we had quite a session. i was exhausted. i knew i needed to make Master cum with my mouth and hands but Master ok'ed me passing out. i woke up around 4:30am due to horrible dreams i was having. i wanted to be comforted a little and Masters cock was in reach. so i reached over while He was sleeping and started massaging His balls and stroking His shaft. Master woke up moaning with pleasure when my mouth was on His cock. i will skip over the details of my bad dreams, as they are not important, and the odd feeling i was having.

Master and i both fell back asleep for a few more hours. in the morning we had another fun session, Master continued to allow me to have orgasms. i love when Master allows me orgasms, not just because i love orgasming but because i know it means i have pleased Master. i love pleasing Master. we got dressed and went down for some breakfast. after we packed up all of our stuff, realizing when we got to my apartment that we left my favorite vibrator at the hotel. those poor housekeepers!

Master and i had been discussing my getting my nipples pierced. i had them done before and i had mentioned to Master that i loved them and would like to have them done again. we have been discussing this for several weeks now. with Master going out of town for 12 days and the possibility of not being able to get together for about 3 weeks, we decided this would be a good time to get them done. so on our way back to town we stopped and had them done. Master has purchased me a training collar for private wear, but we are still searching for a public one that jumps out at both of us. in the mean time i have been wearing a necklace i already had that Master really liked. my piercings are acting as a type of collar. something private yet something that is with me all the time. my constant reminder that i am My Master's possession. 

i am owned.

i am His.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Surprise, slut, you get to orgasm

Master was able to come over today for a little. He did some work on my computer and while He did that He played with my pussy. teasing me over and over. we also worked on fisting. my pussy is so sore right now, and i LOVE that feeling. i was able to get past the hardest part which Master says is the thumb knuckle. this is my first experience with fisting, and oh my God am i loving it. the pain, the pleasure, the feeling of Masters entire hand in me, but most of all hearing Master tell me He is proud of me. i had to call out our rest word a few times, but it was not because i wanted to stop. it was because i wanted Him to keep His hand right where it was to let my pussy adjust. i explained that to Master and He said instead of calling the rest word i could just say "stay there". we tried different positions to see what the easiest way would be.  i am not sure if it was decided that on my back or on all fours was easier.

Master allowed me to have a few orgasms even though i am on denial until we go out of town Thursday night! i was so surprised when He told me i could cum that i asked Him (habit as well) if i could cum as i was getting closer. He responded with one word...."cum". oh and did i ever cum. it was a VERY intense orgasm. my body tingles from thinking about it. i could barely move, but Master was not done using my body. i LOVE when Master uses my body. of course i love pleasuring His body more, which Master allowed me to do. i spent lots of time with his wonderful Cock in my mouth and i even gave Master a massage. i think my massage skills need improvement. i'm sure Master will not mind me practicing on Him.

we ended the evening with a serious conversation that hurt my pride and caused me to cry. Master wants me to let out my emotions around Him and tells me i am not allowed to be embarrassed or ashamed of showing my emotions. the serious conversation Master and i had will be saved for another post. my pride has already been hurt enough for one night

slut needs to learn it is not all about orgasms

Master has had me on and off orgasm denial for the past few weeks. He says i need to learn there is more to pleasure than just having an orgasm, or in my case multiple orgasms. He told me to come up with a "denial, masturbation, and edge proposal" and He would take into consideration what i write for my new training program. i will post below what we have come up with so far. any comments would be greatly appreciated.

slut’s Denial, Masturbation, & Edge Program

The purpose of orgasm denial is for slut to learn that there is more to pleasure than orgasm. it is not the amount of edges she can bring herself to in a certain allotted time, nor is it how many orgasms she can have.

Masturbation  Rules:
When slut is masturbating she must allow a minimum of 30 minutes of time to pleasure herself. she is not allowed to edge/orgasm more than once every 5 minutes. she is also to never stop touching herself and is to hold back her edge/orgasm as long as possible.

Schedule for the month of December:

Monday-Friday (normal work week):
  • Orgasms are NOT permitted, except on Wednesday before bed, and then only ONE orgasm is allowed.
  • slut is to wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual just to pleasure herself, using toy(s) of her choice. If slut wakes up late and misses this, a Punishment will be required.
  • slut must allow a minimum of 30 minutes to pleasure herself within an hour after arriving home from work, unless she has some where to be (i.e. school, Stars game, family). Should slut not be able to accomplish this, she will add this time to her bedtime ritual
  • Before going to bed slut must allow another 30 minutes of pleasure. On Wednesdays this is when slut is allowed to orgasm, but only after a 45 minute pleasure session.
  • Orgasms are NOT permitted until Sunday before bed, when only ONE orgasm is allowed.
  • Before getting her morning cup of coffee slut is to spend a minimum of 30 minutes pleasuring herself.
  • After lunch another 30 minute session is required (if slut is out this is to be completed as soon as she gets home). During this session on Saturdays, slut is to focus on edging as many times as possible during the 30 minute minimum, NO orgasm is allowed.
  • Before dinner (prior to 5:00pm) 30 more minutes is required. If slut is out between noon and 5:00pm she is to make this up by spending an hour straight pleasuring herself nonstop.
  • If at home 30 more minutes is required around 8:00pm. If slut is not, this session is okay to be missed without Punishment.
  • Before bed on Friday and Saturday, 60 minutes is required unless slut is out late, and then 30 minutes is acceptable. On Sunday, at least 45 minutes is required and then she is allowed an orgasm.
Holidays or days off from work:
  • slut is to follow the weekend routine but is still only is allowed orgasm on Wednesday nights and Sunday nights.
Hockey games:
  • slut must edge for every goal from our team and for every penalty for the opposing team.
  • slut may orgasm ONCE for each goal that slut's favorite player scores
  • slut must perform an additional edge for every assist that her favorite player gets (because it’s almost a goal, tee hee)
  • slut must perform one edge for each Penalty minute her favorite player earns
  • These edges must be performed as quickly as possible on the night of the game, unless permission is given to slut ahead of time to re-schedule.
  • slut must wear her remote vibrating egg when attending games and turn the egg on whenever any player is in the penalty box and the puck is in play. slut may wear panties to keep the egg inserted. slut does not have to wear the egg when she is attending the game with minor children and sitting near them
When with Master:
  • slut may only have multiple orgasms while with Master, if He allows her. He may deny slut orgasms at any time He chooses.
  • slut shall receive a SEVERE Punishment for any illegal orgasm, over sleeping before work, or failure to perform an assigned session
  • a moderate Punishment shall be given if slut stops pleasuring herself before the minimum time has been achieved.
  • slut shall be Disciplined if she edges more than once in 5 minutes.
  • If slut lets Master know in advance that an assigned session will not be able to be performed due to babysitting, family stuff, etc... He may allow her to make it up within the next 24 hours without Punishment or Discipline

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Master's first big challenge

Master and i are going out of town together next weekend, which i am greatly looking forward to. He came up with a challenge for me to attempt, no orgasms until we leave. i started my orgasm denial friday, but Master allowed me to have one on camera for Him because of the 100 i received as my final grade in a very difficult class. so from that orgasm until next thursday at the earliest, no orgasm for slut.

Master did say if i get too agitated where it directly affects my work i am to go and have an orgasm with no Punishment involved. i am very curious to see how well i am able to do this. i want to go all week and not break. this will please Master very much, and pleasing Him gives me the biggest pleasure of all.

Oh Master, You make me so wet....

this has been a very busy week for me. had a final and started my online bachelor's program. i apologize to Master for not blogging this week.

since i last wrote, Master has come over twice. sunday was unplanned, i had computer problems and Master was able to get away to fix it. as well as giving me one Punishment and giving me lots of pleasure. of course i was able to pleasure Him as well. i LOVE pleasuring Master. especially with my mouth on His Cock. the form of Punishment Master chose to give me was fear. He had me lay on my back and He grabbed the 5 gallon paint stick. He told me to spread my legs so He could slap my wet cunt with it. i was so scared i clenched my legs together and said "please no, Master" several times. He commanded me to open my legs, which i did while gripping the headboard and squeezing my eyes shut. i was on the verge of tears and kept repeating "please no, Master" over and over. it would have been the most painful Punishment Master had given me. i was terrified. i could hear Master swinging His arm back, but the blow never came. He gathered me in His arms and told me that was the Punishment. Fear. i was so scared and so relieved i could not stop thanking Him. Master edged me many times and i was allowed orgasm, but i was denied His Cock. i did ask Master to secure my arms to the bed and use the monster dildo on me. He said He was very proud of me for asking for this.

the next time Master came over was tuesday night and He was able to sleep over. Master had gone to the game so He did not get to my place until around 10pm. i had gone shopping for an outfit to wear for Master and when He arrived He found me wearing it, on my knees with my head down and hands clasped behind my back. the outfit was very sexy, in my opinion and i believe Master loved it as well. i was wearing a black corset, with a black thong, fishnets and heels. we had an amazing pleasure session that night, and i received the rest of the Punishments i had earned.

i hate being Punished. not just because of the physical pain, but because i know how much Master does not like to Punish me. i do not like that i have disappointed Him and i make Him hurt when He has to Punish me. i am trying very hard not to do anything to earn Punishments.

Master and i have been able to chat on skype the past few days. He has commanded me to edge and orgasm for Him on camera. i am amazed at how wet just the sound of His voice makes me.

the night Master stayed over we ended up staying up until 4:30am, mostly just talking while cuddling in bed. we touched on some difficult topics, such as what the future may or may not hold for us. i do not wish to go into the details here, unless Master tells me too. it was a very difficult conversation and caused me to cry. not tears because Master said something mean or anything like that. tears because i am scared. in fact i am terrified of these feelings and emotions. Master and i are just going to take one day at a time and see what happens as it happens.

next weekend Master and i are going on a little trip together out of the city, to the closest larger city to us. i am so looking forward to it and the new experiences that may happen. we are discussing going to a swingers club, strip club (which is not new to me), and fetish stores. we are also going to have a real date, where we can be out in public together and not have to act as if there is nothing more than casual acquaintanceship between us. Master also wants to see if i am physically able to have 100 orgasms in a 24 hour period and fist me. we have been working on the fisting, He says i am about halfway there with all of His fingers in my wet sloppy cunt.

is it next weekend yet?