Sunday, December 19, 2010


i have been very emotional the past few days and acting somewhat uncharacteristically for myself. it comes and goes in phases, but i have felt a constant dark cloud over me. after doing some reading on fetlife i wonder if i may be experiencing sub-drop. here is why i think i may be....

first, when Master left thursday night i bawled my eyes out for a good ten minutes, even after He gave me fabulous after-care. Master is ALWAYS very attentive to what i need after a scene and i know He did not do anything wrong with the after-care. on friday i did not hear from Master, even after i had sent Him a few emails. i was having eye pain and was letting Him know i was thinking of going to the doctor. i recently had lasik so am a bit paranoid about my eyes still. the next email was telling Him what time my appointment was for. i still had not gotten a response from Him after my appointment and i sent Him another message asking if everything was okay. i was having crazy thoughts go through my head. He replied a little later to all the emails, telling me everything was fine and not to worry or be insecure. He had been busy all day and had not been on the computer. again i DO NOT fault Master in any of this. He did absolutely NOTHING wrong. yesterday and today we have exchanged emails and have had some conversations on IM but have not, and probably will not, talk on the phone.

i find it a little funny because just a few hours ago i said it had not hit me that Master and i were going to have very limited contact the next few weeks. i think it did after my ruined orgasm. i have been crying about every little thing. i want to curl up in a ball and stay that way. last night i was in such a bad mood, after spending the evening at the rink with one of my best friends at that, that i drank 2 glasses of wine (very rare for me), and spent a long time in the bath. today i slept in until 11:00, which does not happen very often either. Master and i had talked about today being a "me" day, He commanded me to take care of myself. which i did by not leaving my place except to go to dinner with my family. i sat on my couch, read, and did a little school work.

i sent Master an email saying i think i may be experiencing this. being new to the lifestyle i am not sure if i am correct or not. i do not want to worry Him.

can anyone help me out on this? advice, anything.

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